After an exhaustive afternoon of walking up and down Drury Lane in 90 degree weather with 100% humidity, I am damp and pleased to announce that I have found the Muffin Man and gotten an exclusive interview. He told me that he has something that he wishes to clear up, for the record.
He says that "she" is not married to him, and never was. He met her at a frat party in college, they spent one drunken night together rolling in the hay (literally, since said frat party apparently transpired in a barn), and then she went all psycho-crazy-stalker on him and started telling everyone that they were married. She wrote "The Muffin Man" song to prove her undying love to him.
"I would appreciate it if everyone would stop singing that !@#$ing song and spreading her lies, thank you very much," says the Muffin Man, who lives on Drury Lane. "I am now very happily married - to someone other than that psycho tramp - and have 12 beautiful children, and I am quite sick of all of her nonsense."