Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Who Wants To Live Forever

I have just returned from a trip to England to answer this very question. As it turns out, Freddie Mercury DID want to live forever, but apparently his attempts at making a Horcrux failed. Death has a cruel sense of humor, I find.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


After a very expensive plane ticket and about a week of wet and dismal sleuthing, I am pleased to say that I can answer Within Temptation's question, that the reason why it rains, rains, rains down on Utopia is in fact because a Rain God by the name of Rob McKenna has been living there.  

I coerced my Evil Twin, Kram Sheldon, into pulling some strings (having an Evil Twin does come in handy every once in a while), and Rob McKenna has now been banished to Aipotu on a trumped up charge, so Utopia should now be all set as far as the weather is concerned.

Friday, August 19, 2011

What Have You Done? (Part 2)

I've kept quiet about this for too long, now, and the time has come to step forward and admit the truth about what I did to incite the wrath of Within Temptation.  Back in college, I went to a party at Sharon den Adel's apartment in the Netherlands, and I left the toilet seat up.  She never got over it and, well, the rest is history. 

I still think she rather over-reacted, what with all the proclamations of us now being mortal enemies, but musicians do tend to be hyperbolic.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

What Have You Done? (Part 1)

Dear Within Temptation,

Yes, I would terribly mind it if you killed me. And yes, I would also mind if you tried (though possibly not as much as if you succeeded).